Joy

This is what joy looks like.

I found real joy after my surgery. Most people that knew me and know me would say I am a happy person. I never give up, I smile a lot and I generally try to have a good attitude about things, but after I got hurt I felt lost. I was so turned around that I didn't know who I was or what God was doing. 

 I had my coach, trainers and multiple doctors tell me that I what I said I had couldn't be true. Basically that I was "faking it". You can only hear that so many times before you start believing it. There is a weird thing that happens when you lose your identity. You flounder. You do anything to just feel something because inside you are hollow, lost, and drowning in confusion. Confusion that wouldn't have been there had I been clinging to God like I should have been. 

I started to learn who I was again when I had to fly home from Iowa the first time. I started to develop the person I was meant to be in Christ. I have my mom and old coach to thank for that most of all. They are two people that refused to let me drift off. I found so much joy in athletics and since at this point "that would never happen again" they both encouraged me to start coaching the jr high girls soccer team that I had been a part of when I was in middle school. That is when God opened up my heart to what I now have a passion for. Working with teenagers and watching other people develop their own goals and dreams is something I want to always be a part of. What an incredible blessing that has been in my life. God made me learn how much more fulfilling giving is than a self focused life. 

Bragging time: My girls went all the way to the championships and won their league after starting off in last place. These girls are ROCK STARS!

When I found out at the end of their season (God's timing is awesome) that I might have a chance at running again from this doctor is Dallas I was shocked and  was ready to be unstoppable. I knew that with enough will power anything would be possible. I won't go into the transplant to Dallas again but that was another milestone for learning real joy for me. Between taking care of the munchkins and living with my no nonsense sister I toughened up and learned to live more thankfully. Taking special care to notice all the little things I am blessed with day in and day out. 

So joy is a gift I received within the last year-ish. That smile on my face in the mud run was from last weekend. To quote my wise and hilarious sister I was "giddy like a school girl" just to get to be involved in the run. Well wouldn't you be if you did something that you could "never do again". 

I guess if that is true that I probably shouldn't have done this either...oh well :)

Look at that, there are more than 25 people in this story alone I should be thanking God every day for: Mom, Kelli, Shad G, the munchkins, and my team of rock stars. Joy givers and joy teachers.